Misfit Ashes
by Picklejar399
Summary: Follow a misfit group of travelers including: a retarded, cuss-loving Ash Ketchum, his bad ass Pikachu, a squinty eyed pervert, a seemingly normal brunette babe, and an all-knowing narrator. Randomness, hilarity, and adventure is sure to follow this gang!
1. Chapter 1

This is my first Pokemon story so any reviews would be helpful!

Ch.1

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

"Uhh..." mumbled an extremely caveman-like Ash Ketchum, as he smashed the snooze button like the primitive ape he is.

"Hey fuck off, it's too godamn early for your bullshit!" he growls.

"Hey, if at all possible could you try not to break down the fourth wall so early in my story, thank you."

"Yeah, yeah... the fourth wall can shove a brick up it's ass and die in a hole for all I care. Consider it blown up, bitch."

"Also, try to cuss so much, it's a T rated fanfic."

"Yeah, yeah dick, I'll fuckin scream every goddamn fucking shitty ass word I can possibly yell at you bastard. Tell me what to do again prick," he pleasantly responds.

"Cursing privilege revoked for the rest of the chapter Ketchum."

He rolls his eyes and skillfully rolls out of bed onto his face.

Being the all powerful narrator I am, I laugh at the prick. What? You know he deserved it! Right?

He jumps up anime style and roars, "Not everyone a heartless ba**** like you? Wait what the fu**? Oh, that just fu**ing wonderful! I am so pissed and I can't even tell you what a bi*** you are due to this gay a** censorship!"

Suddenly a smirk crosses his face. He walks over to his bookshelf, spins around and gives me the finger. As soon as he does though a cenorship bar appears and covers it up.

"Screw you, pussycat avenue," he lamely states.

A huge sweatdrop appears on my face... anyway...

He suddenly asks, "Hey, what was the point of this dumb-a** chapter again?"

Right, right the story.

"Well you were supposed to go to Professor Oak's to get a Pokemon. But, it's a little late now!"

"Son of a bi***! I knew I forgot something," he screams as he put on jeans, a black shirt, and a Pokemon master logo cap.

Then he jumped over the fourth wall!? and lands outside. He dashes down the dirt road to hopefully reach the lab before all the Pokemon are gone, when he crashes into his rival.

"What do you want to name him?"

"What?" he replied dumbly.

"I said what do you want to name your rival?"

"I thought his name was Gary?" Ash said rubbing the bump on the back of his head.

"Just fucking name him boy! Are you going to make every chapter this difficult!"

He smiles cheekily and replies, "Probably, and I want to name him Ugly Small Dicked Meterosexual."

"Umm... there's only twelve spots for letters and is dicked a word even?"

He shrugs and whispers, "I don't know but if you don't shut up I'm probably gonna dicked your face, douche."

My super narrator hearing allows me to hear every single queer and incredibly wrong thing he says. I shiver..., and cry... then eat a cookie.

Anyhow... after heated debated Ketchum and myself we decided to name him Blue...

Blue Douche.

What Blue Douche was doing the entire time Ash was yelling at the heaven is unknown. However, Ash cleverly pointed out that Blue Douche was probably being a blue douche.

Anyway, as soon as the young soon-to-be Pokemon masters (did I say soon yet) soonly stood up, Blue Douche exclaims, "Hey loser. I got a Squirtle, I'm the grandon of Professor Oak, and I am a sexy beast!" he rambles on in douche-like fashion.

"Move fag, I'm late for a date with your busty sister," Ash jeers as he sidesteps and rushes past Blue Douche to the lab.

Douche stares after Ash blankly and then begins to break dance because somehow that will fix all his problems.

At the Legion of Doom, I mean Oak's Lab...

"Am I too late, Prof.? Do you have any Pokemon left?" Ash squeals.

"Yeah, I think I have one last little fucked up, inbred Pokemon left," the professor calmly states.

"Say what," says a clueless Ass Ketchup.

Prof. Oak says again, "Yeah, I think I have one last little fucked up, inbred Pokemon left."

"Oh, well good!" says an apparently inbreed Ash.

The professors goes to the backroom and returns with a pokeball containing...

Life's a bitch, so why not end the chapter with a cliffhanger?


	2. Chapter 2

And life is still a bitch, but the story goes on!

Ch.2

The professors goes to the backroom and returns with a pokeball containing...

A pikachu wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket, with a punk Mohawk styled between his rodent ears.

"Where the fuck did ya find him?" Ash questions.

Professor Oak replies, "The most badass part of Red Neck country- - your mom's vagina! Owned son!" He then suddenly flashes his gold 'bling' and teeth.

"Okay... someone just became senile," Ash says while slowly retreating towards the door.

"Say hi to my unborn baby- in your mom's uterus! Owned again!" Oak yells.

"Yeah... bye! (whispers: ya damn pedophile, probably confusing my mom for some defenseless Nidoran." He then threw open the door and ran into the sunny afternoon with Pikachu on his heels.

"That was unexpected, Ashy boy."

"You are one gay ass homo butt fucking wannabe Charles Dickens, you narrating dick," he recites with a passion.

"Well, it seems you had that well rehearsed."

"Shudup fag. Anyways, Pikadude it's time to go into the wild grass! I'm so excited I just had a joygasm." Ash exclaims while skipping past his house.

Pikachu sighs and trails behind his retarded master. He knew he could be hanging out with Raichu bitches as usual. Alas, fate was cruel and he was chained to some idiot who just managed to get his hat stuck up his ass.

"It hurts so badly Pikachow," he whined as he pulls the cap out of his ass.

"It's Pikachu, you fucking moron, and that's disgusting!"

"And he put it back on his head. Three words. Butt. Crack. Hat."

"A-men, brother," mutters an apparently religious rebel rodent.

Suddenly a scream rang out through out Pallet Town.

"Ash Ketchum don't forget your running shoes!" cried his brunette mother as she ran towards him. When they were face to face Ash boldly proclaims, "Bitch I already got my Nike shoes, what do I want with those crusty pieces of shit?"

"Fine, just remember to press B to run! Bye!" she says as she wanders back to the house.

"Stupid ditz... anyway what was that she said?" he questions.

"Press B."

Ash scratches his head obviously confused...

"Not surprised!"

...until he make a genius deductions. Boys don't have a B button, but they do have dangly parts, so...

"If I grab my pocket rocket I can run faster! Come on Pikatard lets go!" Ash hollers, running towards Rotue 1.

"Dear god, he thinks grabbing his dick will give him a speed boost. I'd hate to see what idea a mushroom would give him."

Review or Ash will grab your pocket rocket!


	3. Chapter 3

Ch.3

"Pikachu, go on with out me! I just can't go on!" Ash feebly states, looking more and more pale.

"Get off your fat ass! We've been walking for less than five minutes! You can still see your house from here!" replies an enraged Pikachu.

"Yeah, maybe if you spent more time working out and less 'launching' your crotch rocket, you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Both of you shut up and let me rest for a while then we can continue our journey," states a somehow exhausted Ketchum, who suddenly fell asleep.

Pikachu face palms and says, "Hump shit, five minutes of walking is hardly a journey."

However, being the reliable traveling companion he is the mouse Pokemon began dragging his resting master through the rocky terrain.

After doing this for about fifteen minutes he even created a song.

"Over the ditches and through the grass to Viridian City we go. The mouse knows the way to carry the dumbass, through the really newby Route 1," he sang merrily, showing much enthusiasm. He would put a guitar solo in there later.

He also gave a cheer every time the duo went over especially rough terrain. Pikachu knew how much it would hurt once his trainer woke up. This... um, merriment continued on for about another half an hour until Pikachu spotted a purple rat gnawing on an Oran berry. (He did a great of avoiding Pokemon, I guess.)

"Hey dumb Ash wake up and catch that Pokemon," Pikachu states while bitch slapping his 'fallen' comrade.

"POKEMON!" screams a suddenly alert wannabe master.

"Very good Ash, that is a Pokemon!"

"Hah, dumb ash," chuckles Pikachu, still laughing at his stupid pun.

"Silence, mortals! Owww, by the way why does my mug hurt so much?"

At this Pikachu's muffled giggles became a barrage of laughter. Multiple dark bruises and deep gashes covered his face. All and all it was a horrible mess; Pikachu couldn't have been prouder.

Ash questions, "What's so funny Pikapoo?"

"Just smiling about how dashing you look today! Oh, and if your face hurts it's because the narrator sucker punched you!"

"I must certainly did not! I only kicked him in the nuts after you assured me he'd be fine."

"No wonder my stick and berries hurt too! You better hope they still work!" he finishes with a dose of anguish in his voice.

"I feel your pain... no that's not it. I gave you your pain!"

Pikachu and the narrator shared an air-five, somehow.

"Screw you, dick wads! Now I'm gonna catch that, uhhh...,"

"Who's that Pokemon?"

Please review the name of the Pokemon so Ash can catch it, or at least try!


End file.
